10 Crazy things I have done

1)Looking down from Peak of Mountain even though being an acrophobic.
2)Giving a Hoax call to a friend for a credit-card and convincing
him into taking it.
3)Watching "Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi " and "Gunda" in continuation and
appreciating both.
4)Running 5 km on treadmill and following it up by gulping chilled
calorie-rich thumbs-up,still sweating.
5)Reading "Mein Kampf" and "My Experiments with truth" same time.
6)Getting Drenched in heavy downpour,shivering in cold monsoon
wind ,still not budging to escape ultimately catching fever.
7)Watching movies like Breakfast at Salmonella's,Exclamation Point!,
Nightmare On Backstreet etc
8)Attending a random wedding where I was neither invited nor did I
knew anyone and narrowly escaping being caught.
9)Waking up at one o clock in the afternoon and asking mother for
breakfast.
10)Attending a boring meeting and ending up rejunated,validating Allan
Pease's Theory on Body language.
11)Having Blackest Eye(Porcupine tree),Heretic Anthem(Slipknot),Pardesi
(Altaf Raja) and Lagee Lagan(Anup Jalota) in playlist at the same time.
12)Fondling the idea of buying land in Antarctica and settling down
there.
13)Resigning from the Job I hated at one o'clock in the night so that,thats the
first thing my Boss sees in the morning is my resignation.
14)Convincing HR to quit her current job on my exit interview.
15)Making you believe that point number 11 is true and referring to 10
crazy things and writing 15 instead.
;)

IntraDay MonKeys

I Dont know whether it was Gordon Gekko from Walls street's
"Greed is good" or my inherent urge to break the rhytm
of my monotonous life.
With a humble sum of money I ventured in Intra-Day trading.

Since then it has been a rollercoaster-ride.
The day I make profits I revel in glory and the day i take
losses I morosely say to myself "This was a learning experience, I really learnt something from that."

But one thing is for sure,It sure is a break from Yawn-your-way through day.
Market is alive and throbbing each day.Vibrant with news and rumors.
There are victories.There are losses.All in matter
of seconds.
Someday it crawls like a snail other day it makes leaps
and bound as a proverbial hare.

I have no idea how long my interest lasts.
But its here for the time-being.

To be honest I havent made much phenomenal profits on my investments so far.
But the sense of hope and expectation every working-day's morning ten'o'clock brings is something
I have missed since those childhood Karate classes.
You may end up all pumped up or drawn out.
But the feeling that you won or lost is insignificant when war is a nostrum,which is clicking for the time being.

So Be It.

Romantic Gems

There are some sporadic incidents which wake me,shake me off my otherwise beautiful blissful monotonous life and make me ponder for a moment.
This fleeting moment effectively lasts for almost a second before fading away.
Only at this time it extended a bit beyond.

Now believe me its not the dust accumulated on my laptop screen or another couple of shirt missing or my wallet/keys missing.
Its something more profound,more moving and spiritual
ever since my dream about Himesh taking up Veena and chanting shlokas.

My flat-mate,God bless Him,left a whole pack of Cadbury's
Gems untouched,unopened.

Now I dont know how much significance Cadbury's Gems
holds in your life,
But as a child I had vowed by keeping my hand on candle (ofcourse the candle wasnt burning,Yeah Yeah as a Kid I used to be smart) than when
I will start earning I will buy a huge Box of Cadbury Gems.

Infact I did fulfil my ambition when I first started earning.
I remember stepping in that General Store(I dont know why they call it a general store,
I specifically wanted Cadbury's Gems and I had strong suspicion they even specifically had it)
Anyway, So here I am in this GENERAL store, slamming
my hand over the counter to grab attention of this
bumbling shop-keeper."Haan Sir,Kya chahiye"(Yes Sir what do You want ?)
For an instant I contemplated the thought of asking something masculine like "Gillete shaving Cream"
or almost every bachelor's staple Diet "Maggi" .
I mean whole Box of Cadbury's Gems,
this guy might think I am a child molester or something on verge of mass rampage.
But This was the moment,the climax of my dream,

So I did what any confident ambitious-man-achieving-his-dream would Do .
I meekly said ,"Bhaiya,CADBURY'S GEMS ka ek packet Hai Kya?"
(Do u have one packet Cadbury's Gems)
The look on his face was as if he had just heard Rabri Devi had beaten Michael Schumacher in Italian Grand Prix.
Anyway,he fetched me a packet.I scuttled out like Britney spears would have, out of
Viveknagar police station avoiding paparazzi without being spotted.
And in the comfortable privacy of my room,I devoured those coloured Gems.
*Chomp*Chomp*
Ofcourse Later I could have bought more.
But somehow I didnt.
A very cliched movie-dialogue is shouting in my head,
almost punching me from inside..
"Some relations are to be left stranded with a beautiful climax."
Thus ended my passionate love-affair with CADBURY'S GEMS.
My childhood sweet-heart. :)

Knights of 21st Sanctuary

Every "extended" morning as I rush to office my fellow
traffic warriors are doing the same.
What this ensues is definite turf-war.
The daily war for that one inch,okay agreed I am again being dramatic here,but I am reminded of what Al Pacino said in "Any Given Sunday"

"one half step too late or to early
you don’t quite make it.
One half second too slow or too fast
and you don’t quite catch it.
The inches we need are everywhere around us"

except that he said it for football and I reiterate the same for traffic.

I have a coined a fancy term
"Knights of 21st Sanctuary" and after continual exposure
and dissection,I have been able to categorize.
These Knights,based on their charateristics:

1)Gallant Knights:These are rare.They will give you way to pass by.Wait patiently at red-lights.Wouldnt honk,adhere to traffic norms etc etc

2)Mullish Knights:Honk at them,Stare at them,They wont Budge.They are sent on earth with mission to slow down the universe.
They are the most resilient compitetors in turf-wars.They will fight till the last breath.

3)Vacillating Knights:This is one of the camouflaged Dangerous kinds.Pray to God you dont bump into them,because even God doesnt know when,where they wanna take a turn.
They may seem all happily heading right but all of a sudden have change of heart and veer to left or worse a U-turn.

4)Fast n Furious Knights:Finally the Dare-Devils,
Trained by Vin Diesel,they have achieved perfection
on F 1 circuits,except they suffered from cerebral amnesia about F 1 circuit part.
They have the licence to Kill,almost.They are out there.
And If its not your lucky day,you might just meet them.

There is another species found on roads called AUTO-RIC
(yeah,I know some of you might be having goosebumps at mention of this words).But its a significant species
we will delve into details..later.. :)

Lonely at the Top..lol

I once heard "Its lonely at the top"
I guess that guy never went to a popular Indian hill station in peak season.
It can cure you ,If you suffer from excessive jingoism of
philanthropy,
I would recommend a trip to a popular Hill-station in peak season.
Trust me it will make you hate humanity.

The horde of human-race,with innocent purpose of embracing the nature in its pristine glory actually end up butchering the whole milieu by jostling for their space
and figuratively and literally,there is hardly space left for anyone.
And to glorify the whole situation,we have hawkers.
While one part of me appreciated their Business acumen,
The other irritated me cusses as their presence.

Ironically,while you might be cursing others for being there,they might be doing the same.

Career Steroids

There are some white-collared rituals which are carried out without remorse in the name of affirming esprit de corps.
And of those prevalent rituals I consider "forced team-meeting" the most obnoxiously amusing exercise(I will explain this pseudo oxymoron later) .

Please take a note of word "Forced".
What is Forced meeting ?
A meeting where your attendance is mandatory but participation is highly unlikely or minimal.
It has the hidden agenda for the Head-honchos to take a count of their minions,administer them with the weekly dose of "Who is your Daddy ?" in a subtle way.Once you enter in that room,a sheer sense of lethargy engulfs you,because first time you attended you were attentive.Second time little less attentive because you realize its same as first one.After n-th time it sounds like a sweet lullaby.
But here is the catch,if you are caught asleep you ensure wrath of head honchos.
Kiss goodbye to Promotion,salary raise,romantically planned holidays etc.
How to deal with this situation ?
With ample time,wisdom and experience.I have been able to create a way to takle with such prolific situation with sure shot success rate in attending these meeting

1)Never succumb to temptation of full-course meal before such meeting,If possible go empty stomach.Catnaps in meeting can have disastrous influence to your career path.
2)Start pretending you are Sigmund Freud and scrutinizing faces people in meeting.I find it pretty amusing how different people respond Vampire Valedictorian treatment .
But For God's Sake DONT STARE.I repeat DONT STARE.
3)Always carry your cell-phone.In drastic condition,ask a friend to call you in between meeting.So you take a stroll outside in fresh air,before getting back into the Haven of Boredom.
4)Now the ultimate weapon which will keep you on your toes every moment of the meeting.I am not kidding.
Its called Bullshit Bingo.
Consists of 5X5 Bingo-card filled with most corporate hackneyed terms used in meetings.eg, Out of the box,24/7,take off-line,proactive,bandwidth,win-win,Customer,scenario,bottom-line,dead-line etc.
Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.
When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"
Oh No Dont Shout.Just mutter quietly.
Trust me, I am addicted to it.Keeps me on the toes all the time.

So the next time you are invited to "Forced" meeting invit.
You know what to do :)

[Precautionary measures:
1)Please dont let my team-member read this
2)These opinions refer to my experiences with FORCED team-meeting]

Captain Isse maar Do(Captain Kill Her)

For those who havent seen effusive melodrama of Indian movies have missed most heart-rendering potrayal human emotions in gigantic proportions.Let me at the outset make humble request please dont quote me on this.I know there are tons of convincing movies,which do justice to the situation and drama.

But what if due to sloppy direction,over-enthusiatic dialogues and needless to add pathetic acting a killer melodrama scene emerges before you going on and on and on.
Your escape routes are closed because somehow due to inscrutable cosmic conspiracy the person next to you in movie-theatre is dead-pan serious about the whole affair.
You cant chuckle and mock the whole stupid situation,not unless you have the audacity to hurt individual next to you.
Many people are able to ease this situation by picking up their cell-phones chattering as if midst of important issue and escape.
Unfortunately for me,I forgot my cellphone.Damn..
Cellphone..Your ultimate escape weapon.

So Picture this..a movie Hall
Indian movie..Karam (Karma,what goes around,comes around ..for me it was money went around..yawn comes back)
Story of an assasin..doin blah..blah..
The person next to me,intently watching,rapt never missing a bit of 'action'.
While you are making deliberate and diligent effort to defeat yawn,which is all set up to escape.

Now lets get on macro-levels,
Scene goes like this,
Heroine is being captured by Baddie(for some unknown reason he was named Captain) and Captain has asked
the unwilling Hero to commit some assasinations which he was carrying out without remorse before.
Anyway, Point is captured heroine ,
is in on the pinnacle of melodrama,she is crying
while making a dialogue delivery of atleast dozen pages.Now dont think of me as a heartless monster
who has no respect for human emotions.
But this was serious torture( I bet if the movie released in pre-WW-2 they would have used it in concentration camps)
And kept on dragging till eternity.I needed a miracle,an escape route.
And suddenly,instigated by the heaps of monotony rose
the voice of rebel.
Somebody shouted with heartfelt emotion at the pitch of his lungs
"CAPTAIN ISSE MAAR DO"(CAPTAIN Kill Her)..

Outcry against sheer boredom,third-rated movie-making.
It left an indelible imprint on my mind..

So whenever Bored to death..
I mutter to myself..
"CAPTAIN ISSE MAAR DO"

Cosmic Joke

2001:A space Odyssey by Kubrick is one of the most intriguing
masterpiece.

It has a tormenting question:How absurd is human existence ?

Its like that rabbit chasing that carrot till eternity.
The milestones we set for ourself,
saying to ourself, if I get this.I will be happy.

But when we achieve that milestone,
we take it for granted in some fleeting moments,the happiness fades away.
And we are struck in the same vicious circle.

I know this is what growth,development is.
But then,Isnt it a futile exercise ?

While we are self-absorbed in our existence,conditioned to function guided by society-norms to live within alloted time-frame and then fade away in void.

An almost impending question hangs over head is :
Why in this huge,untraversable universe a small speck called earth
exists,on time-frame of earth we have
just gained consciousness ?
Although its obvious,how fragile
is human existence in outer-space ?
Just one asteriod-shower,one climatic change,one nuke-war and whole human
existence will be wiped out.

Its a huge cosmic Joke the way i see it.
I would like to end with a quote from
Albert Camus's essay The Myth of Sisyphus
"much of our life is built on the hope for tomorrow yet tomorrow brings us closer to death and is the ultimate enemy; people live as if they didn't know about the certainty of death; once stripped of its common romantizations, the world is a foreign, strange and inhuman place; true knowledge is impossible and rationality and science cannot explain the world".

On lighter note,whenever I am down.
I think about this inevitable,impending and intriguing question all my troubles
seem insignificant.

One of the Wonders of the World

I recently discovered few really nice bands

A Perfect Circle
Porcupine Tree
Alien Ant Farm

and I am completely hooked to them.They play in endless repitition on my juke-box.
Needless to say, i can understand what they say first of all.
Mind you this innocuous statement is very important
in the mumbo-jumbo lyrics scenario we have nowadays.
To emphasize upon the same fact.Let me put forward an example.
The other day I was in gym and you dont have much choice of music there,
So you have to put up with whatever is playing there.
There was this song..(Hip-Hop I guess)It goes like the male voice singing

"It's gettin hot in here
So take off all your clothes"

I was Like WTF.But it doesnt end here.The female voice goes Like

"Yeah,Its getting hot here,
So I will take my ....."

Later I found out the name of this brilliant lyrical Genius.His name is Nelly and
mind you he has a Huge Fan Following.
I mean has the lyrical content and talent plummeted so badly.

But then there are Bands like APC and Porcupine tree for our Rescue.
I will post a link of lyrics of "Sound Of Muzak". Its so sarcastic and true that you will be
amazed by the sheer honesty of the lyricist.
Needless to say, You never could have heard about Porcupine Tree.
Its not unusual even I didnt until a friend told me.
But the question that bounces in my mind is
aptly put by "Sound of Muzak"
"One of the wonders of the world,
is going Down,
Going Down,I know
One of the wonders of the world,
and no one cares "

Sin of Sloth

If I were ever given a chance to choose what I want to be

I would be a karate-instructor and motivational speaker in morning,
owner of a book-outlet chain and movie critique in day,
Hacker and astronomer in night.
Mountaineer and English Literarure teacher on weekends.
And ofcourse a full-time writer and Globe-trotter.

In short I am hungry for life.
There is so much left to do.


Only Problem is that I am Lazy..
too Damn..Godamn..LAZY
Sometimes,I am too lazy to realize that I am in pain.
(I dont know If thats a Good or Bad thing)

Maybe,someday I will be brave enough to break the
shackles and shake out of my stupor

Till then,Hang around :)