Career Steroids

There are some white-collared rituals which are carried out without remorse in the name of affirming esprit de corps.
And of those prevalent rituals I consider "forced team-meeting" the most obnoxiously amusing exercise(I will explain this pseudo oxymoron later) .

Please take a note of word "Forced".
What is Forced meeting ?
A meeting where your attendance is mandatory but participation is highly unlikely or minimal.
It has the hidden agenda for the Head-honchos to take a count of their minions,administer them with the weekly dose of "Who is your Daddy ?" in a subtle way.Once you enter in that room,a sheer sense of lethargy engulfs you,because first time you attended you were attentive.Second time little less attentive because you realize its same as first one.After n-th time it sounds like a sweet lullaby.
But here is the catch,if you are caught asleep you ensure wrath of head honchos.
Kiss goodbye to Promotion,salary raise,romantically planned holidays etc.
How to deal with this situation ?
With ample time,wisdom and experience.I have been able to create a way to takle with such prolific situation with sure shot success rate in attending these meeting

1)Never succumb to temptation of full-course meal before such meeting,If possible go empty stomach.Catnaps in meeting can have disastrous influence to your career path.
2)Start pretending you are Sigmund Freud and scrutinizing faces people in meeting.I find it pretty amusing how different people respond Vampire Valedictorian treatment .
But For God's Sake DONT STARE.I repeat DONT STARE.
3)Always carry your cell-phone.In drastic condition,ask a friend to call you in between meeting.So you take a stroll outside in fresh air,before getting back into the Haven of Boredom.
4)Now the ultimate weapon which will keep you on your toes every moment of the meeting.I am not kidding.
Its called Bullshit Bingo.
Consists of 5X5 Bingo-card filled with most corporate hackneyed terms used in meetings.eg, Out of the box,24/7,take off-line,proactive,bandwidth,win-win,Customer,scenario,bottom-line,dead-line etc.
Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.
When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"
Oh No Dont Shout.Just mutter quietly.
Trust me, I am addicted to it.Keeps me on the toes all the time.

So the next time you are invited to "Forced" meeting invit.
You know what to do :)

[Precautionary measures:
1)Please dont let my team-member read this
2)These opinions refer to my experiences with FORCED team-meeting]