Career Steroids

There are some white-collared rituals which are carried out without remorse in the name of affirming esprit de corps.
And of those prevalent rituals I consider "forced team-meeting" the most obnoxiously amusing exercise(I will explain this pseudo oxymoron later) .

Please take a note of word "Forced".
What is Forced meeting ?
A meeting where your attendance is mandatory but participation is highly unlikely or minimal.
It has the hidden agenda for the Head-honchos to take a count of their minions,administer them with the weekly dose of "Who is your Daddy ?" in a subtle way.Once you enter in that room,a sheer sense of lethargy engulfs you,because first time you attended you were attentive.Second time little less attentive because you realize its same as first one.After n-th time it sounds like a sweet lullaby.
But here is the catch,if you are caught asleep you ensure wrath of head honchos.
Kiss goodbye to Promotion,salary raise,romantically planned holidays etc.
How to deal with this situation ?
With ample time,wisdom and experience.I have been able to create a way to takle with such prolific situation with sure shot success rate in attending these meeting

1)Never succumb to temptation of full-course meal before such meeting,If possible go empty stomach.Catnaps in meeting can have disastrous influence to your career path.
2)Start pretending you are Sigmund Freud and scrutinizing faces people in meeting.I find it pretty amusing how different people respond Vampire Valedictorian treatment .
But For God's Sake DONT STARE.I repeat DONT STARE.
3)Always carry your cell-phone.In drastic condition,ask a friend to call you in between meeting.So you take a stroll outside in fresh air,before getting back into the Haven of Boredom.
4)Now the ultimate weapon which will keep you on your toes every moment of the meeting.I am not kidding.
Its called Bullshit Bingo.
Consists of 5X5 Bingo-card filled with most corporate hackneyed terms used in meetings.eg, Out of the box,24/7,take off-line,proactive,bandwidth,win-win,Customer,scenario,bottom-line,dead-line etc.
Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.
When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"
Oh No Dont Shout.Just mutter quietly.
Trust me, I am addicted to it.Keeps me on the toes all the time.

So the next time you are invited to "Forced" meeting invit.
You know what to do :)

[Precautionary measures:
1)Please dont let my team-member read this
2)These opinions refer to my experiences with FORCED team-meeting]

Captain Isse maar Do(Captain Kill Her)

For those who havent seen effusive melodrama of Indian movies have missed most heart-rendering potrayal human emotions in gigantic proportions.Let me at the outset make humble request please dont quote me on this.I know there are tons of convincing movies,which do justice to the situation and drama.

But what if due to sloppy direction,over-enthusiatic dialogues and needless to add pathetic acting a killer melodrama scene emerges before you going on and on and on.
Your escape routes are closed because somehow due to inscrutable cosmic conspiracy the person next to you in movie-theatre is dead-pan serious about the whole affair.
You cant chuckle and mock the whole stupid situation,not unless you have the audacity to hurt individual next to you.
Many people are able to ease this situation by picking up their cell-phones chattering as if midst of important issue and escape.
Unfortunately for me,I forgot my cellphone.Damn..
Cellphone..Your ultimate escape weapon.

So Picture this..a movie Hall
Indian movie..Karam (Karma,what goes around,comes around ..for me it was money went around..yawn comes back)
Story of an assasin..doin blah..blah..
The person next to me,intently watching,rapt never missing a bit of 'action'.
While you are making deliberate and diligent effort to defeat yawn,which is all set up to escape.

Now lets get on macro-levels,
Scene goes like this,
Heroine is being captured by Baddie(for some unknown reason he was named Captain) and Captain has asked
the unwilling Hero to commit some assasinations which he was carrying out without remorse before.
Anyway, Point is captured heroine ,
is in on the pinnacle of melodrama,she is crying
while making a dialogue delivery of atleast dozen pages.Now dont think of me as a heartless monster
who has no respect for human emotions.
But this was serious torture( I bet if the movie released in pre-WW-2 they would have used it in concentration camps)
And kept on dragging till eternity.I needed a miracle,an escape route.
And suddenly,instigated by the heaps of monotony rose
the voice of rebel.
Somebody shouted with heartfelt emotion at the pitch of his lungs
"CAPTAIN ISSE MAAR DO"(CAPTAIN Kill Her)..

Outcry against sheer boredom,third-rated movie-making.
It left an indelible imprint on my mind..

So whenever Bored to death..
I mutter to myself..
"CAPTAIN ISSE MAAR DO"

Cosmic Joke

2001:A space Odyssey by Kubrick is one of the most intriguing
masterpiece.

It has a tormenting question:How absurd is human existence ?

Its like that rabbit chasing that carrot till eternity.
The milestones we set for ourself,
saying to ourself, if I get this.I will be happy.

But when we achieve that milestone,
we take it for granted in some fleeting moments,the happiness fades away.
And we are struck in the same vicious circle.

I know this is what growth,development is.
But then,Isnt it a futile exercise ?

While we are self-absorbed in our existence,conditioned to function guided by society-norms to live within alloted time-frame and then fade away in void.

An almost impending question hangs over head is :
Why in this huge,untraversable universe a small speck called earth
exists,on time-frame of earth we have
just gained consciousness ?
Although its obvious,how fragile
is human existence in outer-space ?
Just one asteriod-shower,one climatic change,one nuke-war and whole human
existence will be wiped out.

Its a huge cosmic Joke the way i see it.
I would like to end with a quote from
Albert Camus's essay The Myth of Sisyphus
"much of our life is built on the hope for tomorrow yet tomorrow brings us closer to death and is the ultimate enemy; people live as if they didn't know about the certainty of death; once stripped of its common romantizations, the world is a foreign, strange and inhuman place; true knowledge is impossible and rationality and science cannot explain the world".

On lighter note,whenever I am down.
I think about this inevitable,impending and intriguing question all my troubles
seem insignificant.

One of the Wonders of the World

I recently discovered few really nice bands

A Perfect Circle
Porcupine Tree
Alien Ant Farm

and I am completely hooked to them.They play in endless repitition on my juke-box.
Needless to say, i can understand what they say first of all.
Mind you this innocuous statement is very important
in the mumbo-jumbo lyrics scenario we have nowadays.
To emphasize upon the same fact.Let me put forward an example.
The other day I was in gym and you dont have much choice of music there,
So you have to put up with whatever is playing there.
There was this song..(Hip-Hop I guess)It goes like the male voice singing

"It's gettin hot in here
So take off all your clothes"

I was Like WTF.But it doesnt end here.The female voice goes Like

"Yeah,Its getting hot here,
So I will take my ....."

Later I found out the name of this brilliant lyrical Genius.His name is Nelly and
mind you he has a Huge Fan Following.
I mean has the lyrical content and talent plummeted so badly.

But then there are Bands like APC and Porcupine tree for our Rescue.
I will post a link of lyrics of "Sound Of Muzak". Its so sarcastic and true that you will be
amazed by the sheer honesty of the lyricist.
Needless to say, You never could have heard about Porcupine Tree.
Its not unusual even I didnt until a friend told me.
But the question that bounces in my mind is
aptly put by "Sound of Muzak"
"One of the wonders of the world,
is going Down,
Going Down,I know
One of the wonders of the world,
and no one cares "

Sin of Sloth

If I were ever given a chance to choose what I want to be

I would be a karate-instructor and motivational speaker in morning,
owner of a book-outlet chain and movie critique in day,
Hacker and astronomer in night.
Mountaineer and English Literarure teacher on weekends.
And ofcourse a full-time writer and Globe-trotter.

In short I am hungry for life.
There is so much left to do.


Only Problem is that I am Lazy..
too Damn..Godamn..LAZY
Sometimes,I am too lazy to realize that I am in pain.
(I dont know If thats a Good or Bad thing)

Maybe,someday I will be brave enough to break the
shackles and shake out of my stupor

Till then,Hang around :)